Let God Write Your Love Story: Forgiveness

Forgiveness

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3: 13-14, NIV

Forgiving others is often a difficult, tricky matter of the heart.  The concept sounds good, but the process can be messy and prolonged. When we’ve been wronged, hurt, minimalized, or treated unfairly, we don’t like to forgive. Further, we not only find the obstacles (the reasons) that stymie the decision/process, but we also justify them. We so easily convince ourselves that people don’t deserve our forgiveness or worse that they have to earn it.  When the offender is our spouse the obstacles tend to multiply. 

The intimate proximity of marriage allows for spouses to hold onto and roll around in the details of circumstances. We can punish, manipulate, and hold a grudge for an extended time while still carrying on the responsibilities of our busy schedules.   

God established the foundation of forgiveness, and knowing the nature of our heart, he also established the measuring instrument: He calls us to forgive others as he has forgiven us. Marriage should be the relationship that models this precept. 

Are you withholding forgiveness from your spouse?  If so, pray now that God will begin a new work in your heart in this area.  

Let God Write Your Love Story: Pray Together

At Five Stones, we see individuals, couples, and families facing a variety of issues, and we counsel them accordingly. However, we also do a lot of marriage and pre-marital counseling. One of our passions is to both teach and inspire others to Let God Write Their Love Story. Since February hosts Valentine's Day, I thought it would be a great time to share characteristics of a Christ-centered marriage.  I hope you enjoy. Blessings, Jo

Pray Together

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 5-7

Prayer cannot be replaced. It is a powerful, divinely ordained aspect of our relationship with God; it is authentic communication with him. 

In marriage, prayer is priceless.  Prayer is both your offense and defense. It opens the door to an intimacy with the Father that is beyond our understanding. It allows us to be vulnerable and honest with our spouse before the listening ears of God. Prayer builds, repairs, and guides the path of marriage. Additionally, prayer quiets our fears and halts our anxieties. 

If you are not in the habit of praying with your spouse, make a commitment to begin. Start somewhere.  And, don’t let the structure discourage you. There are no correct formulas or patterns to follow.  All we need is a willing heart, time, and a desire to spiritually grow in your relationship with God.

As you pray together, be encouraged that you are protecting your marriage. As you share the thoughts of your heart with each other, remember that the Lord is near, and he is listening. 

God is Close

Certain phrases leave people feeling peeled to the bone. Phrases like, “I don’t love you anymore.” or “I’m moving out.” Often, it can be a single word: affair, hate, and divorce are good examples. In their wake, knees dissolve to Jell-O as does personal resolve.  (Pain – real pain – temporarily melts away coping skills and logic.) Fear hangs like a cloud. The brain's bucket of emotion fills to the brim and overflows.  The heart breaks.  

As a counselor, I’ve walked into the space of broken heartedness time and time again. In truth, my office is the setting for discussing and unpacking such moments. Let me be clear: I never get used to it, and I am always humbled.  I hurt for people every time I hear a story.  I have been known to swallow tears in my office and/or let them roll down my cheeks. I attempt to keep it together, because I should; however, on occasion, that has not been possible. As people share, I search for words. I reach for tools learned long ago and for the ones I picked up in my most recent studying. I silently pray for wisdom while I sit listening. 

As a Christ-centered counselor, my help comes from the Lord. I know that He guides. He comforts. He listens with no limitations. He leads. He loves. He heals. He hears.   God is perfectly able and willing to minister to his people.  In my office, I am a vessel that He pours through.  I have been blessed with a good dose of creativity and the spiritual gifts of discernment, faith, counseling, and teaching.  I can teach applicable, good counseling tools till the cows come home. I’ve been trained well, but let be clear: When a person is broken hearted, they need God.  

How thankful I am for Scripture – the light for our path.  In Psalm 34, David wrote these words: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Vv. 18, NIV” The broken hearted often ask me, “Where is God?” 
I find abiding peace by responding with truth: God is close; he is near.  

On the back wall of Five Stones, this verse of Scripture is written: “Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20b, the Message. In my office chair, I need but glance to read the words. I glance often. Jesus’ words remind me that he is not only the Helper of all who enter our offices, but he is also my Helper. He is present, and his presence changes everything -even the peeled to the bone moments of life.  

Five Stones Counseling is a place of healing, surrender, peace, comfort, grace, and hope; it is a place grounded in God’s high, long, wide, and deep love.  If you would like to receive more information on counseling, please call the office: 912.667.5848

You can support our ministry through the following:

Prayer
Donations (mail your donation or use the donate button on the website)
Purchasing Books  
Making Counseling Referrals
Invitations to Teach/Speak (we would love to be given the opportunity to share more)

Thank you. 
Many blessings,

Jo

Looking Forward

Someone recently made the comment that I had a “Pollyanna like life”.  Alluding to the premise that my life looked “too clean”, they questioned my ability to help with real problems. They expressed doubt that I could hear, see, and understand pain.

As I listened, I’d like to tell you that my brain came up with some fantastically smart, guiding words of wisdom, but here’s the word that popped up in the proverbial bubble over my head, “Hmm.“ (I know. It’s deep :) 

Before I go further, let me clarify that this person was not being unkind; they were being serious. They were in pain (real pain), and I knew it.  They were afraid. They were kicking the tires of counseling and wondering if I had enough grit to handle their grime.  Hurting people do this.  As a clinician, I’ve been trained to address this situation. I wasn’t rattled or worried and certainly not offended. I responded, as I’ve been equipped and with words more profound than “hmm”.  As a Christ-follower, I leaned into Jesus for hope, kindness, peace, and encouragement. If I draw the water for the thirsty from his well, then it’s never about me anyway.  

Still, the Pollyanna life words landed on my heart with a thud that’s been hard to shake.  A thud that has caused me to ponder such questions as,  “Have I hidden my scars to a fault? Am I real? Do I look like Jesus?”  Scars and redemption, brokenness and wholeness – what to share/how much to share - this can be a delicate balance.  

As I ponder, God has taken me back to a past moment.  That moment when I knew that I could listen to pain again. That moment when I knew that my personal story was not the tipping point of my helping. That moment when I quietly listened as a man I barely knew explained his trauma over a 5-inch scar on his chest.  Even today, I can recall his pain. I close my eyes and hear his words. I recall him hoping that his chest hair would eventually hide the incision.  And, I clearly recall thinking, “Dude, if we compare chest scars, I’m going to win.”  :) That moment….That moment when my personally-detailed story faded. That moment when my health eclipsed the visible evidence of the trial. That moment when I had something to offer beyond myself.  That moment when my story was shaped by Who I belong to, rather than what I had been through.  Wow! That was a good moment. A moment worth pulling close. A moment worth remembering.

My story has certainly not been scar free. I’ve lost my dignity in public. I’ve been needy, angry, sad, frustrated, helpless, and desperate.  I’ve crawled before the throne of grace. I’ve begged there. My initial, proverbial bubble isn’t always filled in with a hallmark card moment. I have needed and received grace upon grace upon grace…. Buckets of love from Abba have glued me together. In truth, one touch from Jesus changed everything in my heart, my life, and my story.  I am clean, because of him. The Living Water, that is Christ himself, has made me like bright, white snow. Jesus is Enough; this is my truth; and this is my story.  This is the message I pray hangs over my office – flooding and filling it from floor to ceiling. May the help I offer to others be a reflection of what I have received rather than what I’ve been through. May I be both discerning and genuine in my counseling. May I live by grace.

 “To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means.” ― Brennan Manning

Blessings,

Jo  

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As we enter a new year at Five Stones, will you consider supporting our ministry with prayer?  Rachel, Marlene, John and I need prayer. We love our work, and we are humbled to be given the opportunity to work with so many precious people. We are grateful for God’s grace, and we believe grace changes everything. Daily we navigate delicately balanced situations. Daily, we listen to painful stories and offer hope.  We desire to shine Light into the darkest of places.  We are called to work in the emergency room of the heart.  It can be messy, complex work. We face real opposition, and we would welcome your prayers. We want Christ to shape the countenance and the counseling in our offices. We want to step forward with the vision God has placed before us.  As a team we often say, “God leads; we follow.”  At the bottom of each counselor’s page (on this site) there are personal quotes. I encourage you to read them. I think they will give you an insight into the heart of Five Stones.

If you decide to join our prayer team, please let us know. We would love to hear from you. The Contact page has all the the information you need. 

An Answer to the Holiday Stress and Holiday Blues

While most of us are celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas, many of us are struggling with what I’ll call the holiday blues or holiday stress. Nearly twenty-five years of ministry have taught me that one thing has the power to renew and restore our spirit of hope and joy. You may be expecting one of the classic church answers – Jesus, prayer, Scripture, giving, grace… While those are solid answers, I’ve seen people do some pretty foolish things in the name or midst of each of those. The one thing that changes everything is a grateful heart.

A grateful heart –

silences complaining,                    diffuses anger,
quells anxiety,                                 softens harshness,
deflates pride,                                 mutes gossip,
diminishes greed,                           feeds humility,
extinguishes lust,                           nurtures joy,
cultivates peace,                             ordains language,
births wisdom,                                redirects self-pity,
restores confidence,                       enables forgiveness,
refreshes hope,                               & renews strength.

My gratitude starts with the compassion and simplicity of the Gospel message – that I, while unworthy, got to choose to spend infinity in the absolute presence of God or in his absolute absence. There are no other options to complicate my decision. I simply trusted the Word of God, and made a decision. Thank you God. 

I’m a blessed man. Beyond my salvation, the number of my blessings rivals the drops of water in the ocean. Living among the wealthiest people in the history of the world, fresh air & running water, great friends, good shoes, reasonable health, no one yet trying to cut off my head over my beliefs, a 26 year marriage to a beautiful woman, three young adult children who love me, modern technology, a pickup truck with a loyal dog in the back, adventurous parents, extended family, selective & edited memories, countless ministry opportunities… There is no way to create a comprehensive list. But when I’m intentional about considering what God has already given me, this list always overwhelms the urgency of my “must-have” and “must-do” lists. It centers and refocuses me. It keeps me from risking or overlooking what is most important to me by, as Solomon tagged, “chasing the wind”.

So I challenge you. Invest as much time considering your blessings as you do itemizing your menu and shopping lists. Genuinely express your gratitude to God and others before indulging in food, family, friends, and football. Let your attitude of gratitude redefine your “to-do” lists. Spend some time in Scripture looking at passages on gratitude, a grateful heart, and thanksgiving.

Serving others in need cultivates a grateful heart. Commit to doing so between now and the end of the year. Give meals to someone homeless. Volunteer in your church. Serve in a homeless shelter. Buy groceries or pay for services for a struggling family. Serve families with hospitalized children through a Ronald McDonald House or unwed mothers through the Living Vine. Help someone with a home or auto repair. Invite someone to share the holidays with your family. See the world through the eyes of someone less fortunate.

A grateful heart may not change your circumstances, but it will always change your perspective and your response to them. 

John Crosby

Today's Prayer

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Daylily 

LORD, guide the depth of my being to consider a portion of all that you create and confirm:

• ∼  Hope from hurt

• ∼  Beauty from ashes

• ∼  Wholeness from brokenness

• ∼  Faith from failure

• ∼  Understanding from Doubt

• ∼  Sight from blindness

• ∼  Peace from warfare

  The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD, for the display of his splendor.

  Isaiah 61: 1-4

Wandering Prayer

Occasionally, I doodle - words, pictures, thoughts. If you know me, that fact will not surprise you. Most of them time, I clean up the doodled notes/thoughts before I post. But in the last few days, God has reminded me to appreciate the raw thoughts that fall from my pen. There is a certain treasure in the coarse. As counselors, we listen to the non-polished versions of other's stories. We invite this openness; we welcome it.  Today, it occurred to me that maybe I should model it more often. The Wandering Prayer is taken from my journal just as it was written:

Let my life be a worship song.

Let my life be a light that leads others to the arms of Abba.

To lead others, I must know him. And, I must know how to find  his arms.  

I cannot help people find that which I cannot find. 

There is a path to crawling into Abba's arms. I know that path.

Running to him; that is a sprint I understand.

Being picked up and twirled around. Having his presence encircle me. That is a delight I know.

Being so broken, I must be carried in Abba's arms. I have lived those days too. I have crawled, and begged, and been broken - only to find the sweetness of Abba's arms was that much sweeter. In the wilderness, he is Enough. 

As a helper, I know the way to Abba's arms. My life can be a light for the Light.  

My life is a worship song. From mountain top to valley floor. I am called to live in a way that leads others to Abba - to his waiting, loving arms. 

Be blessed, 

Jo 

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The One Calling

So this is what it’s like to turn 50. My wife made one of those slide shows with favorite songs and photographs from highlights of my life, like the ones shown at funerals. Her tendency to procrastinate makes this more than a little concerning. Gives me an idea what next big family get together is anticipated. Perhaps I’ll be more careful about coming to a complete stop at red lights and I’ll get someone else to blow the pine straw off the roof.

Physically, everything still works. Well, almost everything still works. About a year ago, I started extending my arms to read. Now at 50, my arms seem a bit shorter. I can put books on the desk and just push my chair back, but that doesn’t work so well with my laptop. Guess I really should have learned to type without looking at the keys. Nobody told me there would come a day when I couldn’t read the keys! I’ve settled for reading glasses as the next best thing to arm extensions. My body also seems to have lost the ability to process really hot foods uneventfully. I love spicy foods. But at 50, the follow-up to those meals is such an ordeal that I’m learning to love more subtle seasonings. That’s about it physically… so far.

I’ve spent enough time counseling folks to know that one’s 50th birthday can bring an onslaught of emotions around both regrets and reservations. A few years ago, I got tired of all that regret and anxiety around “big birthdays”. I’d assess my life – opportunities missed, goals abandoned, and forgotten dreams. Then I’d make these commitments to change much like a New Year’s resolution and, much like a New Years resolution, I’d completely forget them in the busyness of everyday life until the next “big birthday”. Reload. Replay. 

This cycle continued until I realized my unit of measure (a year or more) was just too big. Psalm 90:12 says “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” So I started counting and measuring my days. Today, I am 18,262 days old. I’m guessing I have something less than that left, so I want to make the most of each. It’s hard to change the behavior of someone as ornery and stubborn as me when it’s just checked annually. But when I know where I’m going and I’m checking my progress each day, making the proper adjustments along the way, life just gets a lot simpler (not always easier, but simpler).

Once I changed my unit of measure from a year to a day, I realized I had way too many goals and plans to assess each day. I wanted to be the best husband possible, the best dad possible, the best friend, the best counselor, the best pastor, and the best man possible. Then I realized I was not called to be all those things. I was called to follow Jesus. Jesus never called any man to be any of those things. He called men to follow him. Then, along the way, he taught them to teach others to follow him. As they did, they found themselves leading. As we really focus on following Jesus, we become better husbands, fathers, employers, friends, and leaders. We need only focus on the one calling – to follow Jesus - and measure our progress daily. 

I’m not the model. I stumble all the time. Perfection for me will not be found on this side of the grass. But the simplification of one goal measured daily has clarified a lot for this spiffied-up redneck from Reidsville (no, MS spellcheck does not like my homegrown term).  I don’t expect any surprises at 50, because I’ve been adjusting my path along the way. How about you?     

John

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